Emily Post says it best, “Setting a table is not as difficult as it seems. The basic rule is: Utensils are placed in the order of use, that is, from the outside in. A second rule, with only a few exceptions is: forks go to the left of the plate, and knives and spoons go to the right.”  The table setting etiquette for a formal place setting has only one addition add on rule. “The one rule for a formal table is for everything to be geometrically spaced: the centerpiece at the exact center; the place settings at equal distances; and the utensils balanced. Beyond these placements, you can vary flower arrangements and decorations as you like.”

Who is setting the table at your wedding? Caterer? Staff at the venue? Event Designer? Aunt Sally and your cousins? It is important to be very clear with whoever is responsible for the table design at your wedding to understand how formal or informal you would like the tables to be set. When you spend some time thinking about the style in which you are serving your guests (buffett, plated family style etc), specific items on the menu and drink pairing – the proper dishes, flatware and stemware should all fall into place!

Age Old Debate That Has Finally Ended In My Head

I use to go back and forth on suggesting assigned seating at events – but this article really put things into perspective when they mentioned the “junior -high lunchroom” feel!  Regardless of what type of event you are throwing - regardless if you are having a plated, buffet, food stations or butlered hors d’oeuvres- regardless if you are serving banquet style, a la russe or family style – you always want your guests to feel welcome, at ease, and taken care of, especially if they do not know many of the other guests, and are not accompanied by an escort. Giving them a “home” for dinner, can achieve your goal. Side note – ff you decide to go with assigned seating, I do strongly lean towards guests being assigned a table, but not a specific seat!

Enjoy an excerpt from the article – I think you will like it!

Assign Seats When You Have Food Stations?
Posted by Talley Sue Hohlfeld, Etiquette Expert

The magazine is generally a fan of assigned seating at weddings—we hate the “junior-high lunchroom” feel that comes from hunting for a seat among tables that are partly filled with people you don’t know (or worse, ones you *do* know who are “saving this seat for someone else”). And we love the idea of care fully chosen dinner companions.

The beauty of assigned tables is that everybody knows they have somewhere to sit. And as the hostess, you can have exactly the right number of tables (less furniture in the room, and less $$ sometimes).

But the beauty of food stations (besides that they’re really yummy) is that they make for a very fluid conversation. Your aunt goes to try the Chinese, and ends up in line next to your groom’s college roommate. Then she heads for the fresh fruit, and she’s in line behind your second cousin on your dad’s side. Lots of friendliness, lots of casual conversation, lots of interaction and movement.

So, do you want her to discover a new dining companion each time she goes to try a new food? Or do you want her to have a safe haven where she can shelter between adventures? I think I’m answering my own question here—I think I’d still vote for assigned tables. (But if you opted not to have assigned tables, you need to be sure you have extra tables, so that there is always likely to be an empty one. That will reduce the likelihood that your guests will do what the aunts and uncles did at the last such wedding I went to, with no assigned seats—they staked out tables and made sure never to leave them unattended. They might as well have been assigned.)

So Many Wedding Traditions, So Little Time….

This wedding season, I am honored to be working with couples and families from all over the western half of the US…and even have one bride from Canada! They all have unique family traditions, cultural customs and spiritual beliefs. There are so many different wedding practices in our world, it sometimes gets down right confusing on what we are supposed to do, and not do, and even when and where we are suppose to do it – even I get confused!   I was going to write a huge blog on different wedding practices - it got long, and real wordy…

I needed to simplify, so I decide to share a fabulous article I found on theknot.com. about wedding cakes.  As you get to know me, you will learn that I love wedding cake … a lot. This article is super interesting, but you will still have a ton of questions on cultural and spiritual customs and traditions – play around on the theknot.com or google some different terms – you will get more information then you ever imagined.  I would also sit down with your families to learn about unique traditions that will make your day extremely meaningful and  memorable for all!

Wedding Cakes: A World Tour of Wedding Cake Traditions

Wedding customs and rituals vary significantly around the world, and the cake is no exception. Here’s a roundup of wedding cake traditions from around the globe.

Asia

Japan: Many Japanese actually use imposter cakes at wedding receptions. Made of artificial rubber, these faux confections are iced with wax — and even feature a slot for the bride and groom to insert a knife. Believe it or not, some models have even been known to produce a puff of steam! Other dupes consist of elaborately frosted Styrofoam dummy cakes. While the imposters are just for show, sheet cakes hiding out in the kitchen are cut and served to guests.

Korea: Many American-style wedding cakes would be considered too sweet for Koreans. They opt instead for a cake made of ground steamed rice covered in red bean powder. A tiered sponge cake covered in nondairy whipped cream is also a popular treat.

China: The traditional Chinese wedding cake is a massive, many-layered creation known as lapis Surabaya. The layers represent a ladder of success for the couple. Traditionally, the bride and groom cut the cake from the bottom up, starting with pieces for each parent and grandparent, who are all fed by the newlyweds.

British Isles

Great Britain: A fanciful fruitcake takes center stage at British weddings. Usually the cake is made with cognac-soaked dates, prunes, raisins, currants, and orange peel, to create a very moist cake. Popular frostings include marzipan, brandy butter, or fondant. And rather than saving a piece for their first anniversary, Brits hang on to the entire top tier, called the christening cake, until the birth of their first child.

Ireland and Scotland: Fruitcakes are also popular in Ireland and Scotland, where the heady, three-tiered confection is often times laced with bourbon, brandy, or whiskey and each layer is spread with almond paste.

Caribbean Islands

Caribbean: Caribbean couples traditionally feast on fruitcakes. The cake is often dark and filled with dried fruits and sherry, wine, or rum.

Bermuda: In Bermuda, it’s common to have a small cedar sapling top off a wedding cakes. The sapling is said to symbolize the couple’s growing love, and is usually replanted after the ceremony.

West Indies: Party guests in the West Indies pay for a lucky peek at the wedding cake hidden under a fine white tablecloth. Here a rum-laced fruitcake is the sweet of choice.

Central Europe

Germany: Though American-style wedding cakes are slowly making their way into Europe, countries such as Germany are hanging onto their own traditions. German couples often serve up a rich nut or genoise sponge cake to their guests. The cake is usually laced with liqueur or syrup; filled with jam, marzipan, or nougat; and covered in fondant or ganache. Any use of artificial coloring on a cake is considered a major faux pas.

France: The French traditionally serve up what is known as a croquembouche. This tall tower of cream-filled pastries is coated in caramel and formed into a pyramid shape, and makes quite a statement.

Italy: Wedding cakes are regional in Italy, and in some areas cake is not served at all. At those where they are, taste trumps decoration. In many areas, the custom is to serve a mille-foglia, an Italian cake made from layers of light filo pastry, chocolate, and vanilla creams, and topped with strawberries.

Eastern Europe

Lithuania: In Lithuania, the wedding cake is actually a cookie-like pastry shaped into a Christmas tree. Baked to a sunny yellow hue, the pastry, called a sakotis, displays fresh flowers and herbs protruding from the top peak.

Ukraine: Ukrainian couples share a type of wedding bread known as Korovai. Decorated with designs representing eternity and the joining of the two families, the bread is considered a sacred part of the wedding feast.

-Sarah Doyle

In my opinion, tipping is considered a reward for exceptional service. Often considered an optional payment given in addition to a required payment, usually to express appreciation for excellent service.  Keep in mind, it never ceases to amaze me how far a  a  thank you note and referral will go!

 

Below are some basic tipping guidelines:

 

Transportation

Check your service agreement, gratuity is typically included. If not, plan to tip provided they are timely, and get you from point A to point B efficiently.

 

Protocol: Assumed

Standard: 15 – 20 percent, based upon service

Proper time to tip: At the end of your service

 

Hair Stylist / Makeup Artist

One area where a gratuity is expected. Tip between 15 – 20 percent just as you would in a salon. 

 

Protocol: Assumed

Standard: 15 – 20 percent, based upon service.

Proper time to tip: At the end of your service.

 

Officiant

If your officiant is affiliated with a church or synagogue, you are typically expected to make a donation to that organization.  If you’re using a nondenominational officiant, no tip is required because you are paying for their time.

 

Protocol: Anticipated

Standard: Donate $150 – 500+ to the institution.

Proper time to tip: If not required prior to the ceremony by the church or synagogue, have the Best Man pass the cash envelope at the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner if they are in attendance.

 

Ceremony and Reception Musicians /DJ

Consider tipping for superior performance. 

 

Protocol: Discretionary

Standard: $20 – $30 per musician

Proper time to tip: At the end of the ceremony,  have the Best Man pass the cash envelope.

 

Photographer

If the photographer doesn’t own the studio, consider tipping.

 

Protocol: Not required

Standard: $50 – $200 

Proper time to tip: At the end of the session by the Best Man, or after you receive your proofs.

 

Reception Staff

Bartenders, waitstaff, parking, bathroom, and coat-room attendants tipping protocol are typically dictated by your contract. Most of the time, gratuity is included in your contract. If not,  ask ahead of time how many attendants will be working your event and calculate on a per person basis.

 

Protocol: Based on contract

Standard: $20 – $25 per bartender or waiter; $1 per guest for coat room and $1 per car for parking attendants.

Proper time to tip: My suggestion is the beginning of the event to encourage exceptional service.