After deciding who your bridesmaids are comes the actual asking part. It can be as formal or as casual as you’d like to make it but how you ask sets the tone for your big day. It gives everyone a little insight into what sort of bride you’ll be.

Here are some different ways to go about asking:

Host a happy hour at your place for your potential bridesmaids. Some hors d’oeuvres and wine is the perfect way to go. Your guests will feel relaxed and will be thrilled when you ask them to be a part of your wedding. If you want to do a little something extra, give a little gift at your gathering. Anything from a handmade bracelet to a personalized card for each of them will be totally appreciated.

If your bridal party is fairly small or if you have some extra time, do something special and sentimental with each of your girls while you ask them. If the two of you grew up in the same neighborhood, take a walk around it together and ask her then. If two of you share the same favorite restaurant, take her to lunch and ask her over a chicken panini. Whatever the activity, seize the opportunity to rekindle an old memory with her.

Have a good ol’ fashioned sleepover where you talk drama and gossip in your pajamas. This is a sure way to bring all your ladies together and have a Friday evening full of food and fun. You can even supply party favors with little notes inside that say, “Will you be my bridesmaid!?” (or something a little more creative). Your guests will love it, especially if the bag contains sweets!

Put on a picnic. Everyone loves finger food and picnics are super easy, super relaxed and super cheap. A simple basket containing cheese, crackers and some fruit is a surefire way to please everyone on any sunny afternoon. You can even kick it up a notch and play some games if you and the girls are in the mood. Volleyball anyone?

Whatever way you choose to ask your bridesmaids, make sure it showcases your personality. Your wedding day is about you, but what would it really be without your closest friends and family?

- Stephanie

Inviting friends to be in your bridal party is exciting and sometimes tricky. Which friends do you want? How many? Are some friends expecting to be asked? Who is totally X’d? Should you have your fiancé’s cousin? Question after question after question.

Here are three rules to asking the right people:

Don’t ask someone just because you were in their wedding. Just because you were in theirs doesn’t mean they have to be in yours. If your goal is to have no more than five bridesmaids and the slots are taken up by sisters, cousins or lifelong pals, don’t sweat it. She’ll still be invited. She just won’t be standing up there with you. NO biggie.

Do ask the people who make you feel good. If you have a Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy in your group of friends, do you really want them to take part in your special day and all the festivities? Pick people who cheer you up and who you value the most as friends. Come bachelorette party and bridal shower, you’ll be happy you went with the fun and nice ones.

Don’t pay attention to bridal party “norms”. Each side of the bridal party usually consists of between two and six people. By all means, if you’re lucky enough to have more friends than that and want to invite them all to be in your wedding, do so. I was just in a wedding with 11 bridesmaids. Let me tell you, because there were so many of us girls, we pulled off a fantastic (and cheaper) bridal shower and bachelorette party. And the reception was ten times more fun with all of us starting the dance party!

Really, there are no rules for how to pick your bridal party. It’s your wedding and you ask who you want, even if your Aunt May suggests inviting all thirteen of your female cousins to be in your ceremony. It’s your decision – not anyone else’s

- Stephanie