So you’ve been asked to be in a wedding. And if you’re as unexperienced as I am, you may be a little unsure about what’s expected of you. You’ve read some blogs, poked around a few Internet sites and maybe even browsed through a bridesmaid etiquette book.

I’m here to fill you in on my research. And as far as I’m concerned, bridesmaids are in charge of three things.

Putting on the bridal shower. Collectively, the bridesmaids are to come up with a theme (if one is desired), a budget and a guest list. You don’t have to invite the entire world. Most brides have more than one shower and depending on who puts it on, entirely different groups of people are invited to each. Your job as a bridesmaid is to put on one… not three. One definite must: both mothers are to be invited.

Planning the bachelorette party. This is the perfect opportunity for the bride to get a little crazy and let off some wedding steam. It’s your job as a bridesmaid to make sure she has a great time. This means helping her complete her dares and making sure everything is photographed. She’ll definitely want to see (and maybe delete) the evidence the next morning.

All sorts of support. Above anything else, your job as a bridesmaid is to be the best friend you can be to the bride. If that means wearing a dress you hate, suck it up and wear it. If you have to reduce her stress level by running some errands the morning of the wedding, by all means do it. You’ll want the same support on your wedding day, so make sure everything runs as smooth as possible on hers.

- Stephanie

Inviting friends to be in your bridal party is exciting and sometimes tricky. Which friends do you want? How many? Are some friends expecting to be asked? Who is totally X’d? Should you have your fiancé’s cousin? Question after question after question.

Here are three rules to asking the right people:

Don’t ask someone just because you were in their wedding. Just because you were in theirs doesn’t mean they have to be in yours. If your goal is to have no more than five bridesmaids and the slots are taken up by sisters, cousins or lifelong pals, don’t sweat it. She’ll still be invited. She just won’t be standing up there with you. NO biggie.

Do ask the people who make you feel good. If you have a Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy in your group of friends, do you really want them to take part in your special day and all the festivities? Pick people who cheer you up and who you value the most as friends. Come bachelorette party and bridal shower, you’ll be happy you went with the fun and nice ones.

Don’t pay attention to bridal party “norms”. Each side of the bridal party usually consists of between two and six people. By all means, if you’re lucky enough to have more friends than that and want to invite them all to be in your wedding, do so. I was just in a wedding with 11 bridesmaids. Let me tell you, because there were so many of us girls, we pulled off a fantastic (and cheaper) bridal shower and bachelorette party. And the reception was ten times more fun with all of us starting the dance party!

Really, there are no rules for how to pick your bridal party. It’s your wedding and you ask who you want, even if your Aunt May suggests inviting all thirteen of your female cousins to be in your ceremony. It’s your decision – not anyone else’s

- Stephanie